1x3 The One With Sixty Years
by Lizzierose33
Summary: The gang,with the exception of Luke,goes down to Westchester for Jack and Judy Gellar's sixtieth wedding anniversary,while Luke goes to New Hampshire to try to bond with his newly discovered father,stepmother and half sisters.
1. Chapter 1

As Emma,Luke,Jack and Sophie are all sitting in the coffee house,Erica comes in and sits down in one of the chairs with a huff.

"I hate my life,"Erica says covering her eyes with her rights arm.

"Is this one of those moments where we're supposed to ask why,"Sophie asks as Erica looks at her.

"No she just wants us to sit in awkward silence for the rest of our lives,"Jack says from his spot on the other chair.

"Now I can't tell if your being sarcastic or not,"Sophie says.

"He is,Sophie,"Luke says setting the paper he'd been reading onto the coffee table.

"Okay,"Sophie says going back to her magazine.

"Does no one what to talk about it,"Erica asks as she sits up a little straighter.

"Oh right of course,"Sophie says as she closes her magazine,"So,Erica how are you,".

"Well I'm unemployed,no one is hiring,and these shoes are pinching my toes,"Erica says taking off her black stilettos and sets them onto the table.

"You only quit your job,what two weeks not even in the place to worry yet,and those are my shoes,"Emma says taking the shoes off the table and placing them into her black shoulder bag.

"When should I worry"Erica asks as Emma shrugs.

"Well when we're getting evicted from our apartment and have to move back in with our parents,"Emma says very nonchalant.

"That's when I should start worrying,"Erica says sounding pissed.

"Well yeah,because then your mom will be bugging you 24/7 to get a job then you'll be motivated,"Emma says drinking some of her coffee.

"Excuse me that is my mother and you are not wrong,"Jack says.

"It can't be that hard to find a job as a lawyer in New York,isn't everyone always trying to sue each other,"Sophie asks.

"You'd think,but the world is actually becoming a much kinder place,"Erica says.

"Then how come I got screamed at,at work by three different people today,"Jack asks.

"And why did I report four murders in this burrow alone on last night's news,"Emma asks setting down her coffee.

"And why did I pull a steak knife out of a man's foot this morning,"Luke asks as everyone looks at him.

"It happens,"Luke shrugs.

"Well the world of law has become a nicer place,"Erica says as everyone nods,agreeing except for Sophie.

"Then why was the lady who lives above me arrested this week,"Sophie asks sipping her coffee.

"Because she was a pot head,"Luke says as Sophie looks at him sideways.

"You don't know that for sure,"Sophie says setting down her coffee cup unconvinced.

"Soph,she reaked of marijuana and kept trying to sell to me,"Luke says as Sophie looks confused.

"No,she sold herbs for baked goods,"Sophie says as everyone looks at her.

"Soph,that's pot,"Emma says as Sophie looks at him wide eyed.

"Oh god,"Sophie says as she grabs her green coat off the arm of the couch and runs out of the coffee shop.

"Well I don't know about you guys,but next time I have a party,Sophie's bringing the snacks,"Jack says after a moment of silence.

"Or maybe not,"Jack says as everyone looks at him.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Ben,Emma,Erica,Jack and Sophie are all in the girls apartment when Luke walks in.

"Good morning everyone,"Luke says as he closes the door behind him,to find the rest of the gang.

Emma and Sophie were at the kitchen table,Ben and Jack were sitting on the couch,and Erica was just coming out of her bedroom.

They were all wearing variations of the same outfit,The girls in dresses or skirts,the guys slacks and a button down shirt.

"Oh what's so good about it,"Erica says setting her cream coloured purse on the counter with a huff.

"What's up with you,and why do you all look like your going to church on a Saturday,"Luke asks as he leans against the kitchen counter.

"It's our grandparents sixtieth wedding anniversary,so we're all going up to to our parents house Westchester,to celebrate,"Jack says as he then motions to Erica"And Erica's grumpy because her and our grandmother don't really get along,".

"It's not that we don't along,it's just that she's so critical,and speaking of which no one tell Nana that I quit my job,"Erica says speaking to her brother more then anyone.

"Why would she care,you hated it there,"Emma asks picking at the label of her orange juice bottle.

"Because while you,Ben,Toby and Gabby are the children of the golden child and everything you do is perfect. Jack,Charlotte and I have to work for her approval,and my career is,according to her,the only real thing I have going for me,if she finds out I quit and still don't have another job,that's going to open a door I really don't want to open,"Erica says a little bitterly towards the end.

"It can't be that bad,"Luke says smiling a little.

"Oh it can be,one year she missed our birthday party because Gabby needed a new pair of shoes,"Jack says as Erica agrees.

"Yeah,I remember she thought it was the next day,"Ben says defending his Grandmother.

"Ben our party's were on the same day for almost twenty years,there is no way she forgot,"Erica says as she remembers something.

"Oh,I almost forgot. When I wear my hair down,it makes it look like I don't have a neck,and we don't want that,".

After Erica goes back into her room,and after making sure she's out of earshot Jack turns his attention to the rest of the gang,"Speaking of things not to tell people.I don't want anyone telling Erica or our parents I've started looking for our biological mother,".

"Why does it matter,they must know this would happen eventually,and isn't Erica curious,I'd be,"Ben asks as Jack shakes his head.

"If you were really curious you'd be looking for Carol,"Sophie says as Ben glares at her.

"Soph,the difference between me and Jack is,that while he didn't get a chance to know his mother,I did,and I do not want to open that door again,"Ben says.

"My Parents have always known this might be coming,but I don't want to tell them about this just when ever I bring up looking for our biological Parents to Erica she changes the subject,she's not ready,"Jack explains.

"Well based on the lecture she gave me about Joey,she's more ready than you think,"Luke says as everyone turns their attention back to him.

"Yeah,how's it going with the two of you,"Sophie asks.

"Better,I'm actually heading up there today to meet the girls,"Luke says as everyone nods in agreement.

"Good for you,that's a big step,meeting the kids,but don't feel like you need to bribe them,they'll always prefer their real parents to you,"Jack says as everyone looks at him.

"And you wonder why you were given up,"Luke says as Erica walks back into the room,her hair now in a high ponytail.

"Maybe know we can get through this with out me strangling our grandmother,".

"So if it's your grandparents,why is Sophie coming,"Luke asks pointing to Sophie.

"Because this is payback for her dragging us,to her aunt and uncle's anniversary luau two months ago,"Emma says as Luke looks at her confused.

"What's so bad about that,"Luke asks confused.

"Because it wasn't their wedding anniversary,or anything normal like that,no,it was the anniversary of when she became his home economics teacher,"Erica says as Luke,still looks confused.

"That's a little weird,just out of curiosity,how large is the age difference,"Luke asks nodding in agreement.

"Twenty one years,"Jack says as Luke's eyes widen.

"And we have weird,"Luke says.

"If you want weird trying walking in on them going at it in the bathroom in the middle of their own party,I was in therapy for a month,"Ben says as Sophie glares at him.

"Again I'm sorry,but isn't it impressive she could still do that at her age,"Sophie says as Luke looks at her a little confused.

"Do I want to know,"Luke asks looking to Ben.

"I'm not far enough along in my therapy to tell you yet,"Ben says.

"Oh Jack,did you remember to tell Charlotte to hide the hard liquor,"Erica asks putting in one of her earrings.

"Yes,she hid the Whisky in the garage,the Gin in the hall closet,The vodka in the dog house,and the tequila in the box in Dad's carefully labeled box that says porn but is really where he hides his romcom collection,"Jack says as Erica puts in her other earring.

"Call her back on the way and tell her to move the Gin,the closet will be the first place Mom will look,"Erica says as Jack nods.

"Why is she hiding the liquor to begin with,that's the main reason I'm going,"Sophie says as Erica walks back into the kitchen.

"Because when our grandmother and mother are together,our grandmother insults our mother,when our grandmother insults her she drinks,and when she drinks she drinks hard liquor,and when she drinks hard liquor she gets weird,"Jack explains.

"After the last time when she flashed a cop we started hiding the hard stuff,you know save the family a little dignity,"Erica says.

"Well we should go,it's a long ride to Westchester,"Ben says as him and Jack get of the couch and walk into the kitchen.

"Well I guess I should say have fun,and I'll see you later,"Luke says as Emma gets a text.

"Hey Luke,quick question how are you getting to New Hampshire,"Emma asks swinging around in her chair to face Luke.

"I was going to take the bus,"Luke says sounding a little confused.

"No your not,Joey just texted me,there's a limo waiting for you outside,"Emma says as everyone but her runs to the window.

"Look at that,"Jack says peering over Sophie's head.

"I didn't even know they made limos that big,"Erica says as Luke peers over her head.

"This is exactly what I didn't want,I told him not to make a big deal out of this,"Luke says still looking out the window.

"It's just what he does,he loves to make a scene,"Emma says coming up behind Luke.

"And he did not pass that gene onto you,"Ben says as everyone moves away from the window.

"Well I should probably go before the whole block notices and start making stuff up,"Luke says as he walks to the door.

"Tell Joey we said hi,"Sophie says as Luke opens the door.

"I'll be telling him a lot of things,"Luke says as he walks out,closing the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

As the gang arrived at Jack and Erica's childhood home in a rented honda,Jack and Erica's younger sister fourteen year old Charlotte Bing met them at the door.

"We got a big problem"Charlotte says as everyone takes off their coats.

"Yes Charlotte,the globe is warming,our government is bankrupt and the Mets have lost again,we know all about it"Jack says hanging up his black coat on the wooden coatrack by the door.

"Mom found the Vodka"Charlotte says ignoring Jack and as Erica's eyes widen.

"How is that possible,what was she doing looking in the dog house,we haven't had a dog since, we've never had a dog"Erica asks starting to panic.

"Last time Nana was here,she said the dog house need cleaning,Mom was scrubbing it at five o'clock this morning"Charlotte says.

"Where is she"Erica asks gripping her sister's shoulders.

"In the kitchen"Charlotte says as Erica drags her across the living room the the kitchen.

"Now see there's drama five seconds in,that doesn't happen at my family get togethers"Sophie says taking off her orange coat.

"Last thanksgiving,your Dad almost lost a finger when your uncle snuck up behind him while he was cutting the turkey"Emma says hanging up her blue blazer.

"Yeah,five minutes in"Sophie says as everyone walks into the living room where Ben and Emma's younger siblings,twenty year old Toby and seventeen year old Gabby,were sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Hey guys"Ben says as Toby and Gabby look up.

"Hey"Toby says nodding at his brother,sister ,cousin and Sophie.

"Where are Mom and Dad,and everyone else"Emma asks looking around the near empty room.

"Mom burnt the cake she was making so her and Dad had to go pick up the one Dad had preordered,just in case,Uncle Chandler went to get Nana and Grandpa,and everyone else,Nana wanted a nice family meal"Gabby explains.

"Great,that's just what Erica needs"Jack says sitting down in one of the high back blue chairs.

"Well since Vasser isn't very far from here,and the party is, D,O,A. Would you guys mind if I invite Micky"Sophie asks looking at everyone in the room.

"You want to invite your brother to this"Ben says a little surprised.

"Jee I don't know Soph,Micky might have some other boring party to go to,it is collage after all"Jack says as everyone ignores him.

"Go ahead,I don't see the harm,might actually do this place some good"Emma says as Sophie runs off the call her brother,Ben sits down next to Toby on the blue cloth couch,Emma in the chair across from Jack.

"So Toby,how's Cornell"Jack asks after a lull.

"Good,but I haven't been to any of those parties you mentioned"Toby says as everyone smiles.

"Well they had them at Michigan"Jack says as Sophie runs back into the room.

"Micky's good,he'll be here in half an hour"Sophie says excited.

"Really half an hour"Gabby says surprised.

"Whats your deal,do you not want Micky to come"Emma asks confused.

"What no,what gave you that idea"Gabby asks trying to change the subject.

"You okay Gabby"Ben asks as Gabby looks to him.

"I'm fine,I'm fine,why wouldn't I be fine,I'm fine"Gabby says not very convincing.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Erica is trying to get the glass of vodka away from her mother.

"Mom,give me the vodka"Erica says as Monica shakes her head.

"If I am going to make it through this meal,I'm going to need one glass"Monica says turning to face her daughters.

"You said that three glasses ago,your drunk"Charlotte says as Monica glares at her.

"Tattle tail"Monica says turning back to the kitchen counter."

Mom,if you don't give me the bottle,I'll tell Nana what really happened to her pearls"Erica says as Monica looks back to her panicked.

"You wouldn't"Monica says a little nervous.

"You know I would,now hand over the vodka"Erica says as Monica reluctantly agrees.

"Now,get some coffee into you and sober up,this day is going to be hard enough without you making a fool of yourself,again"Erica says as she pours the rest of the liquid down the sink.

"Fine"Monica says as Erica's cellphone rings in her purse.

"Make sure she doesn't have another drink,or I'll tell some of the many,many secrets I know about you"Erica says to her sister as she walks to the backyard as she pulls her phone from her purse.

Back in the living room,Ross and Rachel come through the door,Ross carrying the white cake box.

"Hey guys"Ross says as Emma stands up and takes the cake from him.

"Hi, Daddy, Hi Mom"Emma says as Ben follows her up.

"So how was the drive up,any problems"Rachel asks as she pulls off her coat.

"Not driving up"Ben says as he takes the cake from Emma.

"How drunk is she"Ross asks looking to Jack.

"Well both of my sisters are sobering her up if that helps"Jack says turning to face Ross in his chair.

"Yeah,we're doomed"Ross says as him and Rachel walk into the living room,while Ben and Emma go into the kitchen with the cake.

In the kitchen Charlotte has gotten a cup of coffee into her mother's hand,and Monica is reluctantly drinking it.

"Mom and Dad got the cake"Emma says as Ben sets the box onto the counter.

"Oh great"Monica says trying to hide disappointment.

"It's store bought"Ben says as he opens the box.

"Okay now that actually great"Monica says as Ben looks at the cake shocked.

"No this is bad"Ben says as Emma,Monica and Charlotte gather around him to see the cake.

"Oh my god"Emma says looking at the strangely shaped cake.

"Wow,that's,wow"Charlotte says as Monica pulls her away.

"Your not old enough to see that"Monica says as Charlotte reluctantly agrees.

"Where did Dad even get a cake like this"Emma asks still shocked.

"The same place he got the cake for your first birthday,they did the same thing to it that time,except that time instead of having a sixty year old wedding picture on it had yours"Monica says as Ben looks humoured while Emma looks humiliated.

"Oh my god,I thought that was a rabbit"Emma says still embarrassed.

"It was after your father was done with it"Monica says as Erica comes back into the kitchen.

"I could hear Emma screaming from the backyard what's going on"Erica asks as everyone looks at her.

"What".

"We got a small problem with the cake"Ben says as Erica looks at him confused.

"How bad"Erica asks as everyone moves out of the steps towards the counter and has the same reaction as everyone else when she sees it.

"Oh my god,is that a..".

"Penis,yes"Ben says as Rachel and Ross walk into the kitchen.

"What is with all the screaming"Rachel asks.

"You need to take the cake back"Monica says as Ross and Rachel look confused.

"Why,what's wrong with it"Ross asks as Monica points to the and Rachel walk over to the counter and look at the cake both shocked.

"How many times do we have to order from this place for you to remember to check the cake"Rachel asks her husband.

"How many times does this have to happen for us to stop ordering from this place"Ross asks as Rachel nods.

"What do we do,because I'm pretty sure Mom will find something wrong with this"Monica asks as Ben closes the cake box.

"Don't panic,I'll go return it and get a problem free cake,just text me the address"Ben says as picks up the box and Ross nods.

"I'll go to,if they refuse I can threaten to sue for.I'll think of something"Erica says as her and Ben walk out the back door.

"Well look at it this this is how the day starts out,it can't get any worse"Emma say after a lull in the conversation.

"I stopped telling myself that after eighth grade"Monica says as everyone else nods.

Meanwhile in New Hampshire,Luke had just gotten to Joey's house.

"Hey,your here"Joey says as he opens the front door.

"Yeah,the limo you sent knew exactly where we were going"Luke says sarcastically as Joey closes the door.

"Well that why I sent it"Joey says not getting what his son was saying.

"Joey,I wanted to talk to you about that,I really don't want you to go out of the way for me"Luke says as Joey looks at him confused.

"I didn't I made a phone call"Joey says.

"But wasn't that limo really expensive"Luke asks as Joey shrugs.

"I don't know maybe,it's those kinds of things which is why I have an accountant,he takes care of those things"Joey says as he remembers something.

"So Alex and the girls are out by the tennis courts,so come on".

"You have a tennis court"Luke asks as he stops his father a little confused.

"Yeah,it's right next to the helicopter pad"Joey says as Luke is still confused.

"Helicopter pad"Luke asks.

"I am a very wealthy man, of course I have a helicopter. I also have a duck pond and a chicken sanctuary"Joey says as he runs in the direction of his backyard.

"I suddenly find myself missing my mom's one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn,it's a lot less confusing there"Luke says as he follows Joey.


End file.
